Welcome to the Official Shop of the Snark Tank Podcast. Hosted by Chris Ray Gun, Tom Sweeny, and Derrick Blackman; the Snark Tank is an educational program that provides insightfully perspectives on all facets of life and popular culture. From the spiritual ailments of a society in decline to the rousing question of whether Superman could beat 1,000,000 Spongebobs (toonforce enabled,) there's no shortage of intellectual conversations to induldge oneself in on The Snark Tank.

Chris Ray Gun
The youngest of 44 children, Chris Ray Gun grew up in the Bronx, New York under the tutelage of a local bird whisperer, where he learned the art of gaslighting strangers and yelling at pigeons. At the tender age of 17, he left New York to pursue vengeance against the manager of a Dunkin Donuts who was, quite frankly, needlessly rude at the takeout window. It was in this dark pursuit that learned he had a knack for video making and content creation. Honing his voice over many years of sending threatening video and audio recordings, he decided to shift into the realm of podcasting and video making. He lives in Puerto Rico, doesn't go to therapy, and is an alcoholic. Without you, none of this would be possible.

Tom Sweeny
After hatching from a fleshy unidentified egg under a storm drain in Brooklyn, Tom Sweeny immediately found himself itching for a life of adventure. He was enamored with the sights and the sounds. He loved playing with dirt and gargling sewage. "The simple things," he called them. After just three days of life, he found himself thrusted into the fast pace work culture of New York. He accepted a construction job in Manhattan. A job in which he would excell, laying the foundation for many of the cities greatest landmarks, and contributing key work into what would ultimately become the 9/11 memorial. Undetered by those who argued it was quote, "gay of him to do that," he soldiered on. After years of making a name for himself in the construction world, Sweeny became disinterested. Erecting so many of humanities greatest monoliths and monuments while recieveing no recognition weighed heavily on his heart. Eventually, a mysterious stranger offered him a chance at something new. He would yet again find joy in even the simplest of things. Jingling keys, a dead squirrel, Young Sheldon. He would recieve this capacity for joy in exchange for just two things: his ability to spell and his ability to have a coherent take on anything. He accepted. He now enjoys Marvel movies and doesn't know what "epitome" means.

Derrick Blackman
Frighteningly enough, Derrick was actually born as a white man by the name of Cumly McCormick in 1967. He would spend many years drinking puddle water and eating spare change before meeting a man who promised to change everything for him. With just a small loan of $25 ($3,000,000 in todays money,) he would engratiate himself into the music world, becoming the biggest and most respected metalhead in California. In 1999, he was pushed into a vat of black and quickly emerged a different man. Cumly McCormick was dead. Only Derrick Blackman remained. Though the chemicals made him cool and hip, they also permenantly locked his sense of humor to that of a 13 year old boy. Now, he's the biggest name in the gay music scene.